You must've clicked on the wrong link or something, because now you're in The Lair. No one has the attention span to maintain a personal website anymore. You youngins are just too cool for that. I am not.

I started building websites in a time before Tumblr, Instagram, and whatever other social media happens to be big at the moment. I do enjoy Tumblr and, to a far lesser extent Facebook, but for me having a centralized website to collect items from my various interests will always be a necessity. Anyway, here's a random slide show.

Have you ever met your guardian angel?

Golden halo shining like a baby's smile.
Soft light falling on strong wings covered in white feathers
Hands pressed together, ever in prayer
Eyes always angled upwards, ready to receive the righteous instruction

If, by chance, you have met your angel and they match this description
I would like you to know
That though I may be small in stature, and unable to match you in a fair fist fight
My guardian angel can kick your guardian angel's holy ass.

She's never seen the celestial waiting room
Never been in God's routine rotation
A guardian angel like mine is only summoned for special occasions
My friends, I am that special occasion

My guardian angel is a 110-pound punk rock chick
With pink hair, black leather wings
And bible verses tattooed on her skin
Her name is Peace

Where keeping me safe is concerned, there are no laws
that can't be loosened to suit her needs
The police can't even see her
because Peace is something that will never be understood
By police

Yeah, my guardian angel likes to party.
Sometimes, she smokes weed, not because she needs it to get high
But because it slows her down enough
That maybe in a glimmer of truth that lies only
in a television tuned to the channel of God
I may come to some momentary understanding of her

I have not made her life easy.

When I was four, I left my apartment and wandered westward to see the world.
Three blocks away, peace took me by the hand and walked me back to my mom
who was sobbing hysterically
Terrified that I'd been taken.

A week later, I wandered off again.

This world is a scary place and I have never been smart enough to be scared.
I have made too many mistakes
Hung out with too many drunk family members
And been far too trusting of people who didn't deserve it
To still be alive and healthy today.

Keeping me safe is more than a full time job.
Peace is pale with dark sunken eyes from staying up with me too many nights when I can't sleep.
And when I do sleep,
Peace is working on her website.

Its content is illegal in most states because truth and hope have officially been declared pornographic.
They are offensive.
They are disgusting.
So now, in the truest sense of the word, my guardian angel
Is a professional lover.

If she were a man,
the number of souls she's touched would be counted as nothing more than notches on her bedpost
But peace is more powerful than any man.
I sometimes close my eyes and pretend that I'm something strong but for all my big words and bullshit
The only reason I'm still standing here is because I've got a 110 pound punk rock chick standing over me
A lit cigarette in one hand and God's promise in there other.

She's tough when I can't be and even tougher when I'm stupid enough
to think I'm strong enough.

So if you see her flying through your dreams, don't be afraid.
But please, get out of her way.

Chances are, I'm in trouble again
and she's on her way to rescue me.

And in a world as dangerous as ours,
Peace can never come fast enough.