Colors and I attracted each other like vivid magnets and they followed me like lovesick pets.
Red was close to my heart, but it was safe because it had orange around it to protect it.
Blue hung out around my head, yellow found its home in my hands, green kept my feet forever moving.
And indigo wove its way through me like an almighty life force.
Before bed, when other kids were reciting prayers they couldn’t even define and telling God what they wanted for Christmas, I closed my eyes and took journeys through rainbows miles long.
I floated through mists of colors, letting each pigment mix with the one before it, saturating my soul until it looked like it had been spray painted by dysfunctional deities.
I never did finish these journeys awake.
Every night, I was asleep by the time I reached indigo.
Past indigo was violet, where my dreams lived.
As long as I was in this cradle of consummate color, I was invincible.
But somewhere along the way, I let something convince me that I needed to outgrow my colors the way leaves outgrow their branches
And I have been falling ever since, floating closer to the ground and drifting further away from everything fantastic.
Godammit, I used to have superpowers.
I used to see incredible things. Not just my own colors, I used to see colors on everybody. People walking down the street leaving tinted trails behind them.
I used to love everyone I met.
I used to mean it when I smiled.
I used to be amazing.
There’s no orange left for me to use to protect my heart. I upgraded to a cold gray and built a wall so thick, no rainbow will ever reach it.
And I keep myself busy so I never have to think about it. I overload my schedule so I’m always running off in every direction
And I know I’m too young to be talking this shit
And you can spend days trying to one up me on whose life got the greater share of misery
But if you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be blown away by how amazing you are, then this poem is about you, too.
Your desaturated dreams don’t even begin to add up to the degrees of brilliance you deserve.
Take your sword and cut through the beige and gray of every piece of pain that you’ve used to define you.
Quit blaming people for ripping off your rainbows and quit hating yourself for letting them go.
Remember what it’s like to float?
Remember what it’s like to see colors sure pure they made you believe in God?
Well I almost do, too. And tonight, instead of praying, I’m going on the prowl for prisms.
I might tentatively tiptoe into red but I’ll dive into orange and motherfucker, you’d better be there.
It’s not even a long trip. Bring your blankets and teddy bears and leave your laptops behind because tonight, we’re going to run through rainstorms of radiance straight towards the sun.
And if we get separated along the way, that’s OK. But don’t you dare stop chasing that rainbow.
When you get there, I’ll be waiting for you.
Won’t even be hard to recognize me.
I’ll be the heart full of red, blue on my head
I’ll be waiting for you just past indigo.
I’ll hold your hand and we’ll voyage together into violet followed by everyone we’ve forgotten how to love.
You don’t even have to go to sleep.
Just remember how to dream.